Last week we celebrated Valentine’s Day 2020. My valentine has been in heaven for just over four years. He moved there in January 2016. He was my biggest cheerleader, my companion, my soulmate, my best friend, the love of my life. I miss him.

We married at 18, sent ourselves through college, spent time in Korea when he was drafted into the Army, came home and raised three precious sons, had successful careers, etc. I can still remember well praying for the Lord’s direction and blessing before we eloped, and He was faithful to provide for us through all the years.

We were not always the spouses and parents we should have been, but the Lord was faithful anyway. He carried us through many difficult times.  During our early years, we wrestled with addiction. Though we loved each other, we did not always act like it.  In fact, if I am totally honest, I was sometimes short tempered and sharp tongued.

As I look back, that is perhaps my biggest regret—the sharp tongue. What a blessing it would be to say, “I love you” one more time and “forgive me for my many failures.” I look forward to our reunion in heaven when I will be able to speak those words.

In his time, though, the Lord pulled us out of that pit, healed us, and then helped us use those miserable experiences to begin a Celebrate Recovery ministry at Trading Ford Baptist Church where we co-labored for almost 10 years. Our Deliverer showed us that he could turn a mess into a ministry. What a blessing!

A divorcee recently told me with great sadness that she seriously regretted how she had talked to her ex-husband—that she was sorry that she had been very mean to him. As I reflect on that conversation, I am reminded of the words of Solomon who often repeats the same theme. The Lord must consider it very important:

 “It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.” (Proverbs 21:9 NLT)

 “It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.” (Proverbs 21:19 NLT)

 “A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.” (Proverbs 27:15 NLT)

“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1 NLT)

(While Solomon must have had some quarrelsome wives in his harem, I don’t think this advice just applies to wives. I have seen some quarrelsome husbands out there who need to change their ways as well.)

Oh, that we would take to heart the admonitions of James and Peter:

 “If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.” (James 1:26 NLT)

 “And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.” (James 3:6 NLT)

 “For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies.” (1 Peter 3:10 NLT)

When my beloved passed away, I was heartbroken. We had been best friends and companions for 54 years. What would I do alone? Would I mope and moan for years? Would I chase after another mate? I had some big choices facing me.

Then I remembered the advice of my dear friend Kaye who has been a widow for many years. When her husband died of cancer leaving her with two young children to single parent, she asked the Lord to be her husband until such time as he chose to send her another earthly one. He never did, yet she has been positive and content. Those of us who are single for whatever reason would be wise to follow her words of wisdom.

The widow Anna (Luke 2:36-38) is also an excellent role model. A widow for many years,  she chose to turn her worries into worship.

I counsel many women in recovery from addiction. Their biggest struggle is not with drugs but with relationships and the desire for a mate. Sadly, some of them rush into the arms of the first men who show them attention and then they fall back into their old addictive ways. How much better if they would choose the Lord as their husband until he sends a godly Christian spouse their way. After all, as Christians we are all a part of the bride of Christ.

Finally, there is the wonderful role model—the Proverbs 31 woman. She is godly, kind, loving, generous, and wise. Her qualities are admirable for married, divorced, single, and widowed. (On reflection, her character traits should apply to men as well. Try reading it and substituting husband.)

“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
    She is more precious than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband can trust her,
    and she will greatly enrich his life.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life. . .

 ¹⁶ She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
    with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She is energetic and strong,
    a hard worker.
¹⁸ She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
    her lamp burns late into the night.

²⁰ She extends a helping hand to the poor
    and opens her arms to the needy.
²¹ She has no fear of winter for her household,
    for everyone has warm clothes.

 ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity,
    and she laughs without fear of the future.
²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise,
    and she gives instructions with kindness.
²⁷ She carefully watches everything in her household
    and suffers nothing from laziness.

²⁸ Her children stand and bless her.
    Her husband praises her:
²⁹ “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
    but you surpass them all!”

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
    but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
³¹ Reward her for all she has done.
    Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

 This Proverbs 31 woman (or man) exudes the fruit of the spirit–love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Can you imagine what it would be like to live in relationship with people who constantly allow the Holy Spirit to produce those qualities in their lives! Heaven on earth!

Challenge: What about you? Do you struggle with mean mouth?  Take it from a fellow sinner and seek the Lord’s help. Make your amends before it’s too late.

Are you living single but prefer to be married? Again, seek the Lord and his guidance. Learn to be content until He sends just the right person.

In the meantime, I pray we live in constant awareness of the Father’s love for us, his children! (Romans 8:38-39) May we all, with Paul, learn to be content regardless of our circumstances (Philippians 4:11) Then we would enjoy that peace that transcends all human understanding!