Jesus had much to say about “family,” and frankly some of it seemed harsh! To be honest, I could never really comprehend until very recently why Jesus made some of the statements he made.

Last week I was talking with several women who are recovering from addiction. Most of them were sad as Christmas approaches that they will not be spending time with their biological families because those families are not “safe.” There is ongoing substance and physical abuse, anger issues, and dysfunction at home that make it unwise to spend time there. Hearts were very heavy as we discussed options. Loneliness pervaded the room even though there were several of us gathered together.

I was reminded of Jesus’ words:

 ‘I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.” (Matthew 10:35 NLT)

“If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine.” (Matthew 10:37 NLT)

Wow! Shocking words, it would seem, until we remember that followers of Jesus are to love Him above all others. Further, believers are not always welcome in their own families. The last Beatitude  Jesus gave us in the Sermon on the Mount which is also the last principle in Celebrate Recovery states:

“God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.” (Matthew 5:10-12 NLT)

I can remember times in the distant past of great loneliness at Christmas even though I had my biological family around me. Sadly, there were times when I dreaded the holidays and couldn’t wait for them to be over because someone was always drunk or angry or arguing before the day ended. As I listened to the young women share their fears and anxieties, I knew exactly what they were talking about!

Yet, I also know that the Lord is faithful! He provided “family” through his church during those difficult days—his “forever family.” He answered prayers for family restoration and in time, He even used my Christian witness to bring lost family members to Him–what a blessing! Though these experiences were difficult and often painful, in the end they brought glory to God! James was right when he wrote,

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So, let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” (James 1:2-4 NLT)

In retrospect, I can see very clearly what Jesus meant in his encounter with his biological family. It wasn’t that He didn’t love them; rather it was that He knew situations sometimes arise when the body of Christ becomes much more important than our kin. Loyalty to Him is more important than loyalty to people on earth:

^“As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. Someone told Jesus, ‘Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, and they want to speak to you.’

Jesus asked, ‘Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?’ Then he pointed to his disciples and said, ‘Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!’” (Matthew 12:46-50 NLT)

What, then, can one do when biological family is not “safe” either emotionally, physically, or spiritually? Here are a few suggestions:

• Pray without ceasing for your family and for yourself.
• Love and communicate from a distance if necessary. 
• Set healthy boundaries. (If you don’t know how to do this, check out the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.)
• Cultivate relationships with Christian brothers and sisters.
• Become involved in a church family.
• Join a Celebrate Recovery group. (You can find a national listing at www.celebraterecovery.com)
• Volunteer at homeless shelters, nursing homes, or other ministries.
• Reach out to others who are also lonely.
• Find your ministry and spend time serving others.

But what if you don’t yet know Jesus as Lord and Savior? What if you’re not sure you are a part of the family of God? If not, it’s as simple as ABC to become an adopted child of the most high God. Just pray to him as you take these steps:

A – Admit that you’re a sinner. ^“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” (Romans 3:23)

B – Believe that Jesus is God’s son and that He loved you enough to pay the penalty for your sins by dying on the cross.

“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation.”  (Romans 5:8-9 NLT)

C – Confess your sins, ask Jesus into your heart, and commit your life to him.

“If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.” (Romans 10:9-10 NLT)

That’s it! If you sincerely followed the ABC’s and committed yourself to Christ through prayer, welcome to your new “forever family” of God, my new sister or brother!

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23 NLT)

Hallelujah!

What about you? Ever struggled with dysfunction in your biological family to the extent that the environment was not safe for you? If so, I invite you to join a loving new family—the eternal family of the Lord Jesus Christ!

Already made that choice to become a follower of Christ and have some words of encouragement for those dealing with the heartache of broken families this Christmas? If so, I’d love to hear from you.

Best wishes for a joyous Christmas!